Last Lecture

There are many things I have learned throughout my life.  This last few months have required a lot of soul searching and pondering over who I am and where I am going. There are no life-shattering truths that I learned, but many little lessons that can make be a better person. Some of the key lessons I am still learning that are worth sharing are:

•        We must take care of ourselves so we are capable of helping other people.  Our health – physically, mentally, spiritually – cannot be neglected.  We cannot help fill other’s baskets if ours is empty.  Be mindful of the choices we are making and the effects they will have now and in the long run.  Create good habits now that can ensure you will be able to continue serving others.
•        Find your gifts/talents.  We are all blessed with talents that are meant to help bless the lives of others.  We need to find those talents and learn how to use them.  Turn to trusted friends and family members to help you find them.  A sweet experience was hearing from each of my siblings what they saw as my strengths.  Sometimes we don’t see our actions as talents because it comes without much effort.  Knowing what those gifts and talents are can give you a focus on what to improve. 
•        Remember why we are here on earth – to help build the kingdom of God.  Everything we do – even working to provide for our family – is working towards the eternal rewards the gospel has for us.  Be aware of those around you and do what you can.  Even a smile can lift someone’s day.
•       Be patient – with ourselves and others.  We are all on this journey together and we all make mistakes.  Give ourselves and others a break.  Learn from those mistakes.
•        Be a good friend.  Be the kind of person that lifts others.  Be the optimistic person that others can trust to encourage and make you want to be a better person.
•       Be the best you can be.  Whatever you are doing, do your best.  Whether it is collecting garbage around town or designing an advertising campaign, do your best work.  Even in your calling at church, give it your best.  Be the person that others can count on to do what is asked.
•       Enjoy every day. Everyday has something to be thankful for.  Note the highs, not just the lows.  Look around and see the many wonderful things around you.  Keep a journal to refer back to when overwhelmed by the lows.  Creating a habit of seeing the good not only changes our attitude, but it also changes how we treat others and how we approach the tasks before us.
•        Never be too busy not to notice those around you – especially your family.  Time flies by and we don’t know how long we will be together.  Take the opportunities given and help strengthen each other.  Build memories that can guide us through the rough times. 
•        Don’t get so caught up in the grind stone that you forget to enjoy the journey.  We are surrounded by a beautiful world created by the Master.  If we focus so much on the end result of our labors, we may miss the pure beauty that is everywhere.

Life is good.  Life is a blessing.  We are accountable for what we make of it.  Enjoy the journey.  Appreciate life – even the rough spots.  We chose to have this experience.  It is the little things each day that will guide us to the eternal rewards and get us to where we want to be - and we will still like ourselves when we get there.

Finding a Balance

After spending 2 weeks with family I have come to appreciate them even more.  My parents set such a good example of making family a priority.  Maybe it was growing up 15 miles from my dad’s parents.  They firmly believed that family came first and showed it in their words and actions.  My father was not an entrepreneur, but he worked hard to provide for our needs.  They supported us in our various activities while also teaching us responsibility and love for each other and the gospel.

The only thing missing from my visit to Utah was my parents.  They are currently serving a mission.  They are sacrificing these family moments to serve the Lord – another valuable lesson they taught.  But they were missed.  Right now we are only separated by miles, and I look forward to the time when we can all be together again.

In visiting with my brother, who recently started a new job, I learned a few things about priorities.  No matter how much you are being paid, no matter what perks the company offers, there is no happiness without balance.  He left a job that was too demanding of his every minute of every day, 7 days a week.  There are certain boundaries that need to be set.  What these boundaries are will be different for everybody.  The cost was too great for my brother, so he made the necessary changes.  He and his family are much happier and he is looking at this as an opportunity to expand his knowledge and increase his networking base and his experiences.

Part of our trip included a reunion of my mother-in-law’s siblings.  There were many moments of reflection and seeing the 150 + (counting just those that were present) that came just from grandma and grandpa was amazing.  They knew that family came first.  Throughout their jobs, they found how to include their kids and create many fond memories together. 

In the end, it won’t matter how much money I made if my kids don’t know who I am or if we don’t have memories and relationships to bind us.  So while I want to use my talents and skills to make a difference in the lives of others, I do not want to do it at the cost of losing my own family.  There must be a balance.  It is important to teach our children the value of hard work and setting goals, but families are important and those are the things we will be able to take with us when we leave this earth.  

What's a Business For?

Muhammad Yunus is one of the first people that stirred a great desire in me to do something that could make a difference to others.  He saw that making the world a better place for others is where the joy and fulfillment can be found.  I am excited that Sara Endline has made a successful business for herself in the candy industry, and she her encouragement for social responsibility and understanding among diverse cultures is making a difference. She also has great ideas on problem solving and being prepared to run the marathon.  But Muhammad…I want to be able to do something like that – something life changing for others.  He found joy in helping others with just a small donation.  I think an experience like that can truly show how much we take for granted.  I didn’t think twice about spending $27 on a pair of pants.  Being able to bless the lives of 42 people sounds so much more fulfilling.  We all do have some God given talents and skills, that if given the right opportunity, we could do something with.  Helping others recognize what their individual talents are, and helping them get to a place where they can turn and bless others is the ultimate goal in life for me. 

I have watched Trace grow and learn many things about himself over the last few months.  He is beginning the think outside of himself.  He is beginning to trust the inspiration and guidance he has access to.  It was not that long ago that certain choices he made led us through a period of great stress and frustration.  Trust is something that is so easily destroyed.  “Trust, too, is fragile.  Like a piece of china, once cracked it is never quite the same.”  (What’s a Business For, Charles Handy, p 3)  It is really hard when you lose trust in someone you love. 

In the world, I think there is a tendency to not trust many people.  Being a member of the church, I have quickly come to trust others, almost to a fault.  I don’t take the time to get to know others and experience things with them before making that judgement call.  On the other hand, who am I to judge?

“Truth seemed to easily sacrificed to expediency.” (Handy, p 3)  We have to trust our instincts at some point also.  So how do we find that balance?  I know there are several companies lately that have been penalized for standing up for something they believed in.  I respect those companies, and love that their integrity was strong enough.  Virtue and integrity are something that must be present if a company is to succeed for the duration.  It can affect their customers support and referrals.  People’s actions speak so much louder than their words.  If their actions do not stand for the principles they claim to have, they will not succeed.  Sooner or later, their actions will catch up to them. 

Charles Handy suggested that a business is simply “a group of people [who] get together and exist as an institution that we call a company so that they are able to accomplish something collectively that they could not accomplish separately – they make a contribution to society…[which] is fundamental.” (p 7-8)  If we can work with others who have the same values and principles that we have, we can be a much stronger force.  I see that even in service projects.  When 30 people come together to accomplish a task, and they work together for the common goal, they are able to accomplish more in a shorter amount of time, then freeing them up to turn and bless others.  I also think that those actions can inspire others to look around them and see who they can help.

“Business needs to take the lead in areas such as environmental and social sustainability instead of forever letting itself be pushed onto the defensive.” (Handy, p 7)  They need to consider more than themselves and their profits.  If they take the time to consider their employees, their customers, the work environment, etc, the group as a whole can be more effective.  The desire to work together increases and more success will be seen.

That also leads to another suggestion: “If a company takes seriously the idea of itself as a wealth-creating community with members rather than employees…” (p 6) they might find those members to have a greater interest in the success of the project at hand.  They can be acknowledged for their efforts and become more valuable as a team player.  How others are treated, in any situation, will greatly affect their efforts given.  Employees are not just the means for the business owner to become wealthy.

Both of these suggestions can be applied many life situations…callings, families, service opportunities.  We can be more successful and accomplish more if we work together and treat each other with respect.  We each have different talents and skills.  Let’s help each other successfully strengthen and support those talents and together, we can help make a difference in the world.

Happiness

Am I happy?  I believe that I am.  But I also look forward to the day when I could be happier.  When that day will come and what will make it be better than today I do not know.  Perhaps I am looking too far.

According the “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness: A Cautionary Tale” published by the Acton Foundation suggests, “You likely are as happy today as you ever will be.” (pg 2)  I do have many blessings and things to be thankful for.  I live in a free country.  My family has sufficient supplies/things to meet our needs.  My kids are healthy and happy.  We have a beautiful home to protect us.  What do I think I need to be happier? 

My dad gave a devotional address at BYU-H last fall about happiness.  He suggested 3 things to become happy.  The first is to open your eyes.  We are surrounded by many wonderful things.  My kids have the opportunity to attend school and get a quality education.  My husband has a job that allows him many freedoms and supports our family.  I have always been blessed with the opportunity to stay home with my kids.  Looking for the good things, and realizing how blessed we really are can cause us to be happy.  The second thing is to surround ourselves with happy people.  I have found this to have a profound effect on me lately.  I have been around a few people that are draining and negative, and difficult to be with.  I realized how much their attitudes and complaints were effecting me.  I have learned to continue to be a positive person around them, but to not spend too much time around that negativity.  I have also found strength surrounding myself with family members and friends who are positive.  My parents are always positive and encouraging in the counsel they give.  The prophet and the apostles are always happy and positive in their counsel as well.  The last thing my dad suggested was to show gratitude.  Showing gratitude to others, especially our family members, can create a feeling of happiness that can swell to all members of the family.  Showing gratitude to my Father in Heaven is also important.  When we show gratitude, we are acknowledging the happiness we feel.  And we then have the desire to share that happiness with others.

To be successful, I believe I need to be happy and keep a positive attitude.  Whether it is successfully finishing this class or successfully finishing my degree, successfully raising righteous children that qualify for the blessings of the temple, or successfully serving each and every day.  I will gain so much more if I do each of these things with a happy attitude.  

The Challenge to Become

(Elder Dallin H Oaks, October 2000 General Conference)

With current issues now challenging the world and causing much controversy, I need to know where I stand.  Now, more than ever, I need to be converted to the gospel.  But in addition to that, Elder Oaks suggested that I need even more.  I need to “become something.”

“Final judgement is not just an evaluation of the sum total of good and evil acts – what we have done.  It is an acknowledgment of the final effects of our acts and thoughts – what we have become.”

Heavenly Father knows of my divine potential.  He knows what I need to do to return to Him.  He knows who I am capable of becoming and who He needs me to be. The choices I make each day make a difference in who I become.  I can show others what I believe and what is important to me by my actions.  If I can understand what I believe and why, if I can allow the Atonement of Jesus Christ to change me, I can become who Heavenly Father needs me to become. 

All of the experience I have here on earth are to help me become.   They are opportunities for me grow and learn and become who Heavenly Father needs me to become.  Sometimes it is for my own growth and learning, and other times it is for someone else.  I need to allow myself to change and hopefully have “no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.”  (Mosiah 5:2)

I have seen that change as I serve in my calling as a mother or at church.  I find that I want to live up to what Heavenly Father knows I can do.  He believes I can do more, He knows where He needs me to be, and He knows that I can become what He needs me to become.

“We must not give up hope.  We must not stop striving.  We are children of God, and it is possible for us to become what our Heavenly Father would have us become.”

However Long and Hard the Road

From Elder Holland’s Devotional address on Jan 18, 1983

I have been very discouraged the past few weeks.   Things are getting harder and I have been feeling the pressures of keeping up with everything in all of my responsibilities.  I recognize this is a time of learning and growing for me.  And if it is to be worth it, then I will have to do some hard things.  Elder Holland said, “Nothing very valuable can come without significant sacrifice and effort and patience on our part.”  The challenges I feel I am faced against can either stop my progress or make me think about what needs to be done and how I can get it done.  My challenges are not that big compared to others.  I only need to stop focusing on myself and look around.  The early saints definitely had it rough.  I am not being asked to sacrifice my home and possibly lose some family members along the way.  I am not putting my life physically on the line in battle.  I have a home and have my family around me.  I have a part-time job that I love.  My husband has a job that provides sufficiently for our needs.  I have many blessings that I am truly grateful for.  “But in life’s most crucial and telling tasks, my plea is to stick with it, to persevere, to hang in and hang on.”

 

I don’t know where this road is taking me.  I don’t know what other challenges I am going to face.  But with patience and with God’s help, I can do my best.  I will keep trying.  I can’t give up when the going gets tough.  I will keep moving.  I will stay determined to see this through, no matter how slow the process.  “I will put my shoulder to the wheel and push along.”  I will continue to work towards reaching my goal.  “Every worthy task will require all that we can give to it.  The Lord requires the heart and a willing mind.”  I am willing and I trust that the Lord will help me and guide me to where He needs me to be.

In conclusion, Elder Holland said, “Take advantage of every opportunity to learn and grow.  Dream dreams and see visions.  Work toward their realization.  Wait patiently when you have no other choice.  Lean on your sword and rest a while, but get up and fight again.  Perhaps you will not see the full meaning of your effort in your own lifetime.  But your children will, or your children’s children will.”

Habit 1

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People  by Steven Covey

I read this book many years ago but I don’t remember any of it.  Maybe it was lack of life experience or immaturity.  I am in a much better place now, truly desiring to make some changes in my life and become a better disciple and beacon of light to those around me. These 7 Habits are based on “principles which are guidelines…that have been proven over time to have enduring, permanent value.” (Summaries.com p 2)  These principles represent values that are important to me.  I can learn how to use these habits to become a more effective person.  

A paradigm is the way we see and understand the world around us.  Before I can change anything, I need to check my perceptions or shift some of these paradigms.  I need to be aware of how my opinions are affecting my attitude towards others, towards change, or towards challenges.  These habits “are a new level of thinking – a paradigm shift based on a principle-centered, character-based inside-out approach to personal effectiveness.”  (p 2)

Trying to tackle all of these habits at the same time would not be productive.  I need to focus on one practice at a time, allowing each to truly become a habit.  I want these habits to help me find purpose in my life.  I want them to make long term changes.  By reading the full book, rather than the summary, I will be able to better understand how I can have each habit truly change me.

The first 3 habits deal with self-mastery or private victories and lay the foundation for the other habits.

Habit 1 – Be Proactive

Before I can change how I see or think about others, I need to understand how I see myself.  There are a few things I can control.  This introduces the principle of self-awareness.  What can I control?  First off, my thoughts; I have the ability to create a new reality; I know inside what is right and wrong; and I have the ability to act on my thoughts.  I can choose my response to any situation, but not the consequences that come with those choices.  I can choose to be reactive or proactive in every circumstance. “This is the true meaning of ‘response-ability’.” (p 3)  Being proactive means I think about my actions and thoughts and the effect they have on me and on others.  I need to be proactive in whatever situation I am in.  I need to learn to “control a situation from the inside out.” (p 3)  If I can learn to do this, even in the little everyday things, I can be a better leader.  I can have the confidence I need to move on to the next habit. 

This week, I will really focus on what paradigms need to be shifted.  Where can I change my perception into something more positive?  Where can I improve my attitude?  How is my perception of a situation effecting those around me?  What are my actions in response to different situations teaching my children?  I will post these questions where I can see them each morning, reminding me to be aware.  I will share my goals with Bill.  I will have him help hold me accountable to seeing this through.  Perhaps we can help each other.